Have you ever gone through a season of just not feeling good enough? Like you didn’t measure up? I definitely can say I have and it wasn’t that long ago. I brought some questions to God like: Why am I comparing myself so much? Why do I let the dumbest things get to me? How do I get out of feeling this way? Coming out of that season took a lot of talking with God. It also involved spilling it out to a God loving truth telling friend who I stay accountable with.
After going through the process of letting those negative things go, I felt like I was gaining my confidence back and that I was more focused on the right things. I felt I was in such a better place that I was done with all the nonsense. Then BAM one day it hit me again while scrolling through social media. I saw things other people were doing with their lives and started thinking things like, “If only I could be in her place.” Then more thoughts started to creep in that said, “All you are is a mom and wife”, “school is taking you forever to finish” and “Why even chases your dreams, you’re probably wasting your time.” Then I said to my husband, “What else am I?! Is there anything else to me other than being just a mom and wife? I want to be successful in those tittles but also in other things I’m passionate about too.”
After talking with my friend she said two things that stuck out to me: “We see many highlights of other’s lives, but not the other parts ” (like the moment we were in) and “your feelings have got to take the back seat.” Both things she said were so true. We see posts all day long of people’s highlights and mine included. What we don’t see is the behind the scenes. Just like when I think others seems to have everything perfectly put together by just seeing their highlights, I realize people might do that to me sometimes too. You just never know what else is going on with someone. What they don’t see from me is things like all the struggles I shared in my very dramatic conversation I had with my friend or when I’m lying in a ball on my couch feeling like a worthless blob of nothing. I get super annoyed with myself when I get like that because I know better. I started thinking about when Paul in Romans 7:15-25 talks about wanting to do what is right, but instead does what he hates. He speaks of being miserable but how freedom is found in Jesus Christ. I absolutely hate when I compare myself and get envious. I was allowing lies to be fed to me. They had to get thrown in the back seat because they weren’t steering me in the right direction. They left me feeling unmotivated to drive anywhere in life.
Before moving on I’m going to rewind to when I was on my way over to talk with my friend. I was feeling frustrated and asking God the questions. I then noticed this Jeep in front of me with a tire cover that said, “Live Life.” Those two simple words spoke something to me. We only get one life to live and I don’t want to waste mine wallowing around in things that bring me down and and distract me from focusing on my purpose. No matter what place I’m at in life I want to have an attitude like Paul did in Philippians 4:12. He said, “I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”
One thing I do know is that the enemy comes to steal and destroy. Once I started gaining my confidence back and put focus on the right things the enemy tried snatching it away by using previous tactics. I said “enough is enough.” I had a reality check to what was going on. I then knew I needed to be speaking more of God’s word over myself. There is any enemy who tries to set up traps to trip us up. Many times we fall for the same things because he knows where we are weak. I encourage you examine those areas and speak God’s truth over yourself. We have confidence in knowing our battles can be conquered through Him.